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If Miley doesn`t get her sh!t together, all these Hannah Montana collectibles are never gonna get my kids through college.
Long story short, I love summaries.
Just used the "f word" over on FB so I`m waiting for the villagers with their torches, axes, whatever those people use.
If your house doesn`t have house numbers on it, you need to address that situation.
loves driving down the road and just waving at random people like you know them!:D
Ways to tell a woman is mad at you: 1. She is silent. 2. She is yelling. 3. She acts different. 4. She acts the same. 5. She kills you.
Apparently, when people say "I could use a hand" it doesn`t mean they want to get slapped in the face.
Women who say the quickest way to a man`s heart is through his stomach, have not seen his browser history.
im so hungry, im farting fresh air
A friend like you is worth a million dollars. So, if you don’t mind…can I sell you? :D
Dating tip: Men always remember the woman who vomited on them.
Next time I`m on an elevator with four or more strangers, I`m going to turn around and say, "I`m sure you`re wondering why I`ve gathered you all here."
We should be thanking our Dads for bringing us into the world, not our Moms. She probably wasn`t in the mood...
No one texts faster than a gossiping woman.
I could never trust a psychic who hasn`t won the lottery at least once.