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I wear a cape when I`m driving so if I get pulled over the cop will think I`m going somewhere to fight crime.
Does anyone have the recipe for ice cubes? Asking for a friend.
I asked my mom for money and she said "Does it look like I am made of money?" I said "Well isn`t that what M.O.M stands for?"
"Dont make me regret this!" is something I say to myself every time I accept a facebook friendship from a relative.
A poem about me: I hate mornings. I wish I was drunk. The End.
My new bumper sticker ... "Watch out for the idiot behind me!"
Coffee keeps me busy until it`s time to be drunk.
Remember the good ole days when we had to get out of bed to use the Internet.
How do you spot a blind man at a nude beach? It`s not hard.
I have tons of friends! Well i only have one... but she ways a ton!
Drunk me would really appreciate a light switch on the floor.
I call it a Cupcake Salad. And I don`t see how it`s any of your business.
A third zebra strolls casually while whistling and pretending to read a newspaper onto Noah`s ark.
Sometimes words are not enough. That`s why I always like to keep a baseball bat with me, just in case...
Is running in front of cars some sort of gang initiation for squirrels? - Bfanch