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When I said make yourself at home, I meant go wash my dishes.
Kids today don`t know what hardship is. When I was younger I sometimes had to wait ALL DAY for MTV to play my favorite video.
Olive Garden says “When you’re here you’re family”, how could they expect me NOT to think I’m entitled to a free meal.
You will attract attention if wearing a skirt on a windy day. This is doubly true if you are a man.
Hope you don`t mind if I make transformer sound effects when we switch positions.
Installing home security cameras seemed like a great idea but explaining my dance offs with the dog was something I should`ve considered.
"I`m not drunk" - Biggest Friday Night Lie.
You made several good points, and I understand that you are right, but the way you said it was so douchey I have to take an opposite stance.
Im out like a fat kid playing dodge ball
Mister Rogers didn`t adequately prepare me for the people in my neighborhood.
I was just watching Ladies Beach volleyball and there`s already been a wrist injury.. No worries, I should be okay in a couple of days..
My blood hound was just attacked by a Crip hound.
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets!
Trojan should be sponsoring Teen Mom. That show is the best advertisement for why you should always wear condoms.
I saw some ducks practicing their teenage girl faces at the pond today.