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Life is too short to be angry and hold grudges. Just slap them in the face and move on!
I want someone to look at me the way I look at the waiter when he brings my meal.
Thanks to everyone for the Birthday wishes! To anyone who missed it.”No cake for you!!"
Cubic Zirconium`s slogan should be: Guys can fake it too!
Helpful Tip: Always remember to speak clearly when complimenting a woman`s boots...
My hatred for Nicki Minaj probably stems from my fear of clowns.
Meanwhile on Facebook, someone has made a casserole...
Hockey is much better if you imagine the teams are fighting over the world’s last Oreo.
I bet people don’t understand that I’m joking 800% of the time.
Unless your "Awesome Sauce" is an actual sauce and it involves putting it on a steak then I don`t want to hear about it.
You´re never too old to learn something stupid.
i like boobs
Ain`t no sunshine when she`s gone..... or sandwiches.... Ain`t no sandwiches either.
When the nurse calls my name at the doctor`s office, I like to run through the waiting room like I got called on The Price is Right
Hysterical Shrieking should be reserved for truly serious situations such as Centipedes, Spiders, and that Creepy Uncle that likes to give everyone back rubs.....