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Naps are tricky because you either wake up refreshed and relaxed or you have a headache, dry throat, and are unaware of what year you`re in.
ah Saturday, where it`s socially acceptable to drink in the morning. ;)
"Love is all we need."-Said a wise man 40 years ago. He obviously has never had a computer
No, I would not like to know what fruit my body is shaped like.
So glad my face doesn’t have a progress bar that shows how much I’m understanding what other people are saying.
Why do blurry people always ask me if I’m drunk?
If at first you don´t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
If the TV show "Cops" has taught me anything, it`s to stay away from people with blurry faces....... they always seem to attract trouble.......
My wife says I`m a clueless idiot ... I didn`t even know I had a wife.
Life really is all down-hill once you get to big too ride in the shopping cart
“Can we talk tomorrow?” is my way of saying “I’ll try to do a better job of avoiding you tomorrow?”
Good morning friends … Wait … what the hell m I doing up this early?
Firemen must dread the moment when they`re done for the day and have to find the strength to climb back up the pole.
Life is not like a box of chocolates. It`s more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today might burn your a$$ tomorrow.
Nothing in the world is more expensive than a girl who`s free for the weekend.