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Life is harder for the beautiful people. I’m sorry you’ll never know.
I hate when all the silverware is dirty and I`m down to using the giant decorative fork that hangs on the wall.
What sort of drug abuse and debauchery has to occur in someone`s life for them to start liking Charmin Toilet Paper on Facebook?
Once I made a belt out of watches. It was a waist of time.
Dear alcohol we had a deal where you were supposed to make me cool, sexy, charming and a great dancer........I seen a video......we need to talk.
FACT: Every zoo is a petting zoo, if you’re brave enough.
Sitting in the cinema, ready to watch the movie, then BOOM! The human giraffe sits in front of you
On the 12th day of Christmas my FB gave to me- 12 dudes I`m blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 corny topics, 9 busted Barbies, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites, fiiiivvvvee drama queeeennss, 4 game requests, 3 photo tags, 2 friends a-pokin and a creep who wont stop Inboxing meee... ;)
You have to wait 30 days to buy a gun but Amazon Prime only takes 2 days to ship live bees, no questions asked.
I legitimately thought I was having a pretty productive day until I realized my phone is set to west coast time and I`m in New York.
Life is different in Christian frats: “You should’ve seen this hot chick I didn’t bang.” “Way to save it for marriage, bro.” *fist bump*
It may appear like I`m doing nothing, but i`m actively waiting for my problems to go away!!!
There’s nothing like having a long to-do list to make me feel like doing absolutely nothing.
Honk if you want to see my finger.
Walmart has their new Savings Catcher app... I`m thinking savings isn`t the only thing you will catch ...