Daily Silly Status

I plan on getting "sidewalk nap" drunk tonight.

We`ve all been talking about your paranoia.

Snoring is just God`s way of ensuring women hate their husbands while they sleep too.

Who else`s favorite Spring time game is "Guess how deep that pothole really is."

I hate it when you`re buying stuff off the Internet and the bank calls to check to see if your card has been stolen. Sure, it seems nice, but then you have to explain to lady on the phone that no, it was not stolen, you really are the one who bought a subscription to bustyblondes.com

Somebody told me I need adult supervision. I was like "I Know!" It would be awesome to be able to see through walls and shoot lasers out my eyes.

I hate when I walk into the kitchen for food and only find ingredients.

Is it "poon tang", or "poontang"? I`m trying to update my Christian Mingle profile.

We all need that special person in our lives that makes it worth while to shave our pubes.

Does anyone have plans to stare at their phones somewhere exciting this weekend?

My favorite part of a marathon is watching the reaction of runners who grab my plastic cup of vodka.

Good morning friends … Wait … what the hell m I doing up this early?

Everyone please stop doing crimes because sirens are too noisy.

It`s time to take the next big step in my relationship by popping the question to my girlfriend ....will you get me a beer :) (<>..<>)

If you’re a douchebag, it’s so easy to find the right hat.