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Why hasn`t anyone invented a button next to the snooze which emails your boss to say you`re gonna be late?
Pretty cool how the internet lets you stay connected with people you haven`t seen in years and silently judge them on a daily basis.
Sorry I wasn’t ignoring you I was just watching 7 seasons and 54 episodes of this new show I found.
“Everything you say can and will be used against you” should be included in marriage vows.
This dishwasher sucks. It`s already ruined three of my paper plates.
One time I snuck a whole rotisserie chicken into a movie, cause candy is for amateurs.
Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won´t spoil me.
thinks the voices in my head are out of beer.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
Guy test! find the nearest guy by you and repeat to him the following slowly: Door knob, Titanic, Gluestick, Kiwi, Opra Winfey, Shovel, Boobs, Remote, Battery, Furby, Glowstick, Beer, & Xbox. NOW ask him what he remembers before "Boobs"
Destiny may decide who touches your Life. Your heart may decide who touches your Soul. But…Tequila decides who touches your body
Back in my day it was called daydreaming…not ADHD.
10 times out of 9, you’ll find me exaggerating about something
There are two types of people in this world, those with common sense and those who have to pee on the electric fence for themselves
You´re just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!