Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Im a leader not a follower... unless its a dark place then f*ck that your going first!
There is a huge difference between a hot girl and a girl wearing lesser clothes.
People who live in glass houses should not throw orgies
I don`t eat a high fiber diet to be healthier, I eat so I`ll have to $hit more at work.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program
Beer is good, but beers are better.
I try to avoid things that make me fat, like scales, mirrors, and photographs.
The package says "Do not eat raw cookie dough" but all I really see is "Pillsbury hates you and doesn`t want you to be happy."
You know that 200-foot high expansion bridge you drove over today? Just remember that it was built by the lowest bidder.
Getting my kids to the airport always feels like I`m recreating the first 10 minutes of "Home Alone."
My browser asks "are you sure?" when I clear my history as if theres anyone more sure of what theyre doing than someone clearing his history
Turns out, I`m not an afternoon person either...
There is a gym called Anytime Fitness. I choose 2030.
Saw these three things on a corner, in this order: Liquor store, gun store, bank. What could possibly go wrong with that?
If I say "I don`t know, let me look", I`m really just spinning around in my chair a few times while you`re on hold.