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the dude who posted ”MERRY CHRISTMAS“ has still got his head shoved up the turkeys A$$ it seems...
Teenage girls hang out in odd numbered groups because they literally can`t even.
As my mother-in-law and I fight to the death for her son`s love, I sometimes think to myself, "This may be the worst prize ever."
I still believe in love. But I also believe in sasquatch, nessy, and that I could win the lottery. So there`s that....
Marriage. Because otherwise hating someone for turning the page of a newspaper too loudly would seem absurd
Key to a great marriage ... Lack of imagination.
There`s no mirrors in this self checkout?!?
Drunk is when you feel sophisticated…but can’t pronounce it.
I might get a job cleaning mirrors,its a job I can see myself doing.
The world is full of nice guys who want naughty girls who want bad boys who want nice girls who want nice guys.
I`ll be back in five minutes. If I`m not, read this again :D
If a bag is not resealable then it contains one serving. I don’t make the rules.
In fact, yes, l can multitask. I can screw up several things at once.
Instead of spending $2,000 on a purse, some of you ladies should use the money for therapy sessions.
Our swear jar is always empty because of all the god damn foul mouthed thieves that live in this f*cking house.