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Some people are like clouds. When they disappear, it’s a brighter day.
At church they said the number of the beast is 666, but I stood up and said that`s not my wifes phone number.
"A vodka, please" "Sir, this is McDonald`s" "OK, a McVodka, please and super size it."
I`m getting older but I still have my moments...though I don`t always remember where I put them
I hate when my mom tells people I`m 503 months old.
You can`t fix stupid, but you can always drink more beer.
I`m honestly convinced some women do not fart. They just hold it in, and it comes out as drama.
To save time, lets just assume I am never wrong ;)
If I’m not eating I’m most likely not happy.
When you leave store without buying anything and all you can think is `keep calm, you`re innocent`.
A budget is just a method of worrying before you spend money, as well as afterward.
Don`t have sex man, it leads to kissing and pretty soon you will have to start talking to her..
Driving isn’t even in the top 5 things I’m thinking about when I’m driving.
If there`s one thing I learned from my wife, it`s don`t get married!
So apparently I`ve been Googling `Asian Prom` this whole time. I watched like seven videos before I realized they weren`t going to bang.