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i just accidentally used AOL online, im betting the workers there are celebrating and think they have a chance in the future. lol
Nothing in the world is more expensive than a women who’s free for the weekend.
Apparently, walking up behind a girl in the produce isle with celery in my hand and saying "I`m stalking you" was much funnier in my head.
WARNING!! I have character defects and I`m not afraid to use them.
Please accept this bundle of fragrant plants grown expressly to be killed while in their prime as a token of my love for you.
A 6-month wait when filing for divorce, but only a 15-day wait when buying a gun. I think the solution for relationship problems is clear.
There are two ways to go about arguing with a woman and neither one works.
I’m hopelessly addicted to placebos ..I’d give them up, but it’d make no difference.
Last night I was drunk and asked a cat if it could talk. It said, “Me? How?”
The doctor said I should be drinking more whiskey. Also, I’m calling myself “the doctor” now.
I bet people who like their own statuses wink at themselves in the mirror too.
Me on New Years Eve: “I suggest we drink before we go out drinking.”
They`ll find Bigfoot before they find a Smoothie store that`s been open for more than 2 years.
I swear July only lasted like 3 minutes
If you`re going to stalk me at least notice when I`m running low on toilet paper & change the roll.