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I went to the store and saw that Duracell batteries were on sale just before Valentine`s Day. Someone is a marketing genius.
I asked my kid “do you know why we have a Thanksgiving holiday?” He said, “Sure! It’s so we know when to start Christmas shopping!”
It’s called karma, and it’s pronounced “haha! Screw you!”
You women may be surprised to learn that making us sleep on the couch isn`t that bad. It`s kinda manly, makes us feel like we are camping......with a really angry bear nearby.
All the women moaning about finding a husband obviously never had one.
Four words that I never want to hear: we`re out of beer
The term "bath toys" has a whole new meaning when you`re an adult
A 6-month wait when filing for divorce, but only a 15-day wait when buying a gun. I think the solution for relationship problems is clear.
Girls probably spend more time thinking about what men think than men actually spend thinking.
Sometimes I whisper, "I`m on your side" to the computers, just in case they ever succeed in taking over the world...
Hey micky you`re so fine, you`re so fine you blow my mind hey micky! hey micky! Admit it, you didnt read it, you sang it
I make self-sabotage look like an art form.
Due to an unforeseen error during last night`s love making session I am forced to wear non matching socks today
Starting a sentence with “If you ask me” almost always indicates that no one asked you.
I wonder if these beers are performance enhancing. I’m feeling pretty awesome!!