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Why go out and pretend to like people when you have Netflix?
I love long legs.... Long sexy legs..... But not on a Spider, I hate long sexy legs on a Spider.
I don’t know if I have a stalker, but if I do, could you drop off some milk. Thanks.
I`m just a man standing in front of a woman, who is standing in front of another man who is in front of another woman in line at Taco Bell.
On a scale of one to crazy, how many cats do you have?
I’m a lonely Status. I wish more people liked me.
The key to a woman`s heart is making her laugh...just make sure she`s not laughing at the size of your junk.
I really want to take photos of my friends with their face smushed against glass.. Then make that pic my phone contact for them.. Then when they call, it will look like they`re trapped inside my phone! Oh god my life is pitiful, kill me..
mom- "if you dont have anything nice to say, don`t say anything"
This hot fudge sundae hasn`t killed me so it must be making me stronger.
If my cats have taught me anything, its how to ignore people.
Why do I even have unlimited texting?
Millions of innocent coconuts are murdered each year so you can drink their nutritious blood you insensitive health freak
Organized people are just to lazy to look for things.
I just want to alternate between napping and eating all day everyday while getting attention, so basically I just wish I were a dog.