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People, like prescription drugs, should have to list the side effects they`re likely to cause.
I will not be satisfied until I see a car with one woman sticker and twelve cat stickers.
20 years from now, one of the hardest things our kids will be faced with is finding a screen name which is not already taken!
Sex is great, but.....Have you ever had stuffed crust pizza?!?!
How do blind people know when to stop wiping their asses
I`m not the sort of person you should put on speakerphone.
Nothing like a brisk morning jog to start the day! Just kidding! I don`t do that.
So can we just skip to summer now?
I bet no one in Africa is allergic to gluten.
I`ll never forget the first time I saw a dry erase board, "Wow" I thought, "that`s remarkable"
Is everything expensive or am I simply poor?
I will never forget the day when she said yes to me because that was the last time we agreed on anything.
I`ll be there in a second I just gotta finish writing this letter of apology to a club owner for tearing up his dance floor last night..
Posting inspirational quotes online is the first sign to depression.
F*ck you, regular cars that look like police cars. Also vice versa.