Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Attention fuels immaturity
Why do some people call it a "tuna-fish" sandwich? It`s not like anyone calls it a "chicken-bird" sandwich.
I love long walks on the beach under the moonlight, poetry, candlelight dinners, and having my a$$ spanked with a fuzzy slipper.
Every parent’s superpower is the ability to communicate “I love you!” and “I will kill you!” with a single look.
I`m so hot I stalk myself ;)
Do you ever feel like you`re in Season 5 of your life, and the writers are just doing outrageous stuff to keep it interesting?
I don’t always have time to study, but when I do, I don’t.
How to meet a girl: 1) Walk into a bar. 2) Shout “Heroes in a half shell.” 3) When a girl yells back “Turtle Power,” marry her.
Never forget that we live in a world in which it is easier to get out of a marriage than a mobile-phone contract.
If my calculations are right, by November of 2019 my uneven usage of conditioner will finally lap the shampoo and I will run out of both at the exact same time.
I bet all the cool math nerds call each other algebros.
I`ve had this ant farm for a year now and these lazy bastards still haven`t grown any crops.
I dont believe in beating my kids, so I make them wear a Justin Bieber shirt & crocs to school so the other kids will do it for me.
Nothing is quite as scary as hearing your doorbell ring on the same night you made a blood sacrifice to the dark lord.
That moment of shame when an automatic door doesn`t open for you