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Hey movie villains - make a bomb where the wires are all one color.
WORST.... APOCALYPSE..... EVER.....
Do you ever think that if it weren`t for someone smoking Marijuana they might of killed you already. . .
Before I got married I didn`t even know there was a wrong way to put the milk back in the fridge
While most people are becoming older and wiser, I´m becoming older and better at making stuff up as I go along.
I’m tired of things costing money.
Sometimes it’s just easier to eat the last slice of pizza than fit the box in the fridge.
If you’re a size 0 we shouldn’t be able to see you.
? Single ? Taken ? Depends on who`s asking.
The longer I stay at home, the more homeless I look.
Sooooo, ..a friend of mine was watching my dog lick herself in a certain area. Out of nowhere he says, "I wish I could do that." ...I said, "Go ahead, but she might bite."...
Do watch out for elderly neighbours in the heat wave. They`re liable to trap you for hours and talk about the weather.
I have some serious self-esteem issues. The last time I posted a selfie I first cropped myself out of it.
In your face with a can of mace, make you cry all over the place!!
Ugh, stalkers are horrible. You`d think someone could`ve let me know I was out of toilet paper.