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New camo condoms! She`ll never see you coming again.
I`ve been having really bad headaches lately. The doctor said they were all in my head.
It`s only when you see a mosquito landing on your testicles that you realize that there is always a way to solve problems without using violence.
If you have attention deficit disorder, throwing boomerangs isn`t for you.
Alcohol is never the answer. Unless someone asked me, "What are you doing this weekend?"
I`m pretty sure my laundry breeds while I sleep.
I have a bad habit of laughing at inappropriate moments.
I always give waiters a tip, but they never seem to appreciate my advice.
I’ve been searching for my stolen bed. And I won’t rest until I find it.
It`s not often you see a pink poo in your bowl & realize that not everything is edible from the sex shop
The irony of all this is, the internet was created to save us time...
The pharmacist asked me my birthday again today. Pretty sure she`s going to get me something.
I hate getting paid and being broke all in the same day!! :(
I suggest we drink before we go out drinking.
Designated Driver is just a nicer way of saying, you can come with us, but nobody wants to deal with your drunk a$$.