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Sometimes my neighbors love my music so much that they invite the police to listen.
People should be loved. Things should be used. Unfortunately, we have it backwards
I try to live by two rules: 1. Don’t make fun of stupid people (they cant help it) 2. Don’t be stupid (people will make fun of you)
I`m so broke right now that if someone tried to rob me, they`d just be practising..
It`s almost 2014, I expect a toaster that pops the bread up in a less terrifying way.
Everything is a boomerang if you throw it upwards.
The closest I`ve come to camping was that one time when I fell asleep in the bushes outside your window with my camera.
If I had a jet pack I would look AWESOME dying within the first 2 minutes of having a jet pack.
There are people on Facebook who don`t realize the difference between "What`s on your mind" or "I should talk to a therapist about this"
If a girl picks an iron in monopoly you know she`s a keeper
You’d think my password was “yourmom” because my computer just told me it was too easy.
I`m not real excited that the wrapping on my toilet paper said `100% Recycled`.
"You`re going to love my friend. He`s hilarious." is still the best way to know you`re about to meet an annoying person.
Was hating my job until I drove past a grown man dressed as a Taco on the side of the road. Thanks again Perspective
People who go to the store and buy the single roll of toilet paper must not have an optimistic view of their life expectancy.