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I`ll drink enough for both of us, because I`m just a caring person.
And we all have that one friend who has more blonde moments than an actual blonde.
If you take bites out of string cheese rather than rip strings off , you don`t f*cking deserve string cheese.
All my biological clock does, is let me know when it`s time to eat again
Of all the grotesque sounds coming from the bathroom stall next to me, the camera click was the most disturbing!!
It`s not condescending if they`re stupid.
My greatest fear is that PMS is fake and this is my real personality.
According to my nipples, there is a 99% chance it`s cold as hell right now!
Apparently saying, "You mad, bro?" is frowned upon if you work in customer service.
That moment when you have so many things to do...So you decide to take a nap instead!
Reaching under the couch for something is the closest I’ll ever get to yoga.
Chips have little nutritional value. That’s why you need to eat the whole bag.
I will admit, my statuses sound a bit different when read aloud by the prosecuting attorney.
I finally overcame my fear of skinny dipping. Unfortunately it cost me my YMCA membership.
Alice in Wonderland taught me to drink things that I`m unsure of