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This complimentary lemonade at the doctor`s office tastes funny.
As often as I lose lighters and sunglasses, it`s a good thing I never had kids. Or did I?
"Try to score a goal. Don`t use your hands. See you afterwards." - Soccer coaches
After a while you just get used to people not understanding.
I mean if men are better at math why do they get the lenght wrong all the time.
If a woman asks if you "notice anything new" tell her "I do, your beauty surprises me every day." Then continue thinking about velociraptors
Walmart is one store where it is truly acceptable to shop in your pajamas.
I hate people who say "Age is just a number" — Age is clearly a word.
I`m a fantastic secret-keeper because, deep down, I really don`t care enough to actually talk about it to anyone else.
i got a dig bick..........how many read that wrong
Going to Colorado this weekend to go ... "Hiking"
I hate when I`m admiring my good looks from a car`s window reflection and the people inside think I`m staring at them.
If you fall, I`ll be there - Floor
You bring a baby monitor to the bar one time and everyone freaks out.
If something`s worth doing, it`s worth doing rihgt.