Daily Silly Status

Don’t judge me…If you’re reading this then you aren’t working either.

I don`t know what I would do without you, but I bet it`s awesome.

It’s all fun and games until they reply to your text with a phone call.

Any time someone says "have you seen that YouTube video?" I always say yes......... Because otherwise they make you watch it on their phone

I`m not sure but I think the family from Honey Boo Boo is just a family of bears that were shaved down and shown how to sh!t indoors.

I wonder what its like to fart in zero gravity. Does it like...propel you forward? These are things people need to know NASA

I`m emotionally constipated. I haven`t given a crap in days...

Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.

In reference to why men can sleep with lots a women and it’s fine, but women can’t sleep with lots of men or else they’re whores. “If a key opens a lot of locks, it’s a master key. But if a lock is opened by a lot of different keys, it’s just a sh!tty lock.”

It`s ok to admit when you`re wrong. Just don`t tell anyone.

I`m a firm believer that if something takes 10 minutes to cook on 200 degrees then it should only take 5 minutes to cook on 400 degrees

You know one thing i really like about you is that you dont like anything about me.

I`m one of the nicest a$$holes you could ever hope to meet.

People hiking with a giant stick never seem any better at hiking than the rest of us.

Apparently the maximum number of times you can keep getting back in line for Communion wafers is 4.