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What if Egyptians actually had a written language, then started using emojis, and that’s all that’s left?
During the summer months, be sure to dress for the body you have. Not the body you want.
Not to brag, but I`m pretty good in bed. I don`t snore or steal covers, and I only pee if something startles me.
that moment when autocorrect decides to ruin you and makes a text incredibly awkward.
Kiss her in the middle of her sentence so you don`t have to hear what she`s talking about.
My neighbor just spent $237.43 at the vet, that`s $1,662.01 in dog dollars.
A “buttload” of underwear would be exactly one pair.
I was on way home this morning when I seen an AA van pulled in and the driver was crying his eyes out. I thought to myself that guy is heading for a breakdown.
If my body was a car, I`d trade it in for a newer model. Cause everytime I cough or sneeze, my radiator leeks and my exhaust backfires.
Every morning I check my girlfriends horoscope to see what kind of day I`m going to have.
Depending on the boob, the Bra is either the best or worst invention ever.
I don`t understand why I cant lose weight. I thought dieting was a piece of cake.
Gonna try out my new drinking game tonight... 1. Turn on the news. 2. Take a drink every time the word FERGUSON is said!
Anyone knows when is Facebook sending us the W-2 forms
They say do what you love & the money will follow. I love doing nothing. We`ll see.