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I bought a blowup doll today, but I won`t blow her up until tomorrow. I don`t want to seem desperate.
Things I didn`t learn in high school... how to pay bills buy a house apply for college but thank goodness I can graph a polynomial function.
Big deal, Times Square, I drop the ball at least twice a week.
Think of a number between 0 and 20. Add 40 to it. Multiply by 2. Subtract 3. Now close your eyes.... It`s dark isn`t it.
Some people just lack the ability to laugh at themselves. That`s where I come in.
Never scratch your a$$ with chocolate on your fingers.
I just finished writing an article on "How To Improve Your Memory"- But I forgot where I kept it!!
I bet every guy would be faithful if God took an inch off his d!ck every time he cheated...
The awkward moment when you realise you’re wrong in an argument, but you keep arguing anyway.
Whenever I see a woman breastfeeding in public, my first reaction is to get in line.
There`s a Bullying Support Group meeting, tomorrow night at 8 ... You`d better f*cking be there.
You want to see Americans become activists? Cancel a TV show they like.
Halloween is great because kids just show up at your door and hold out bags of candy for you to steal
I saw a guy walking 4 dogs this morning and thought, Wow!.. That guy must be really blind.
Went to Walmart yesterday and bought me a new toilet brush, I think I am gonna go back to using paper, it is much more gentle on the netherlands........