Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If she asks what the weight limit is on your ceiling fan.... She`s a keeper!
I need an app that shows oncoming traffic on my touchscreen while I`m driving
You have a point. It`s just not very sharp
My neighbor came rudely banging at my door at 2:30 am, luckily for him I was up practicing on my new drums
Anyone else find it odd that on Star Trek, when they say "to boldly go where no one has gone before", when they get there, they always meet someone?
My Ex texted me."please delete my number."I replied,"Who`s this??"
It`s not an attitude problem, it`s the way I am.
My relationship with whiskey has been on the rocks lately
I`m often a little confused when people call me insane because, to be honest, I`m still just warming up.
Here`s a list of things I need you to accomplish without any resources to do them with. -management
Boy: "Life`s a bitch, so is my Girlfriend." Girlfriend: "Life`s short, so is his d!ck.
Long story short, I love summaries
Did a 5k today. Except it was how many calories I had at lunch.
I bet the creator of the artificial heart is pretty pissed that we still use "sliced bread" as our basis for great inventions.
My home security system is just 15 motion-activated Big Mouth Billy Basses.