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According to a recent survey, 98% of people responded with `Go away.`
Sorry that offended you, I really didn’t think you’d get it.
My ex is living proof as to how stupid I can be.
A rainy Friday is still better than a sunny Monday.
That`s not chapstick in my front pocket.
DATING TIP: never reveal how many cats you have.
Gyms are full of people that haven`t found the right couch.
Where there`s a will I want to be in it
Please, lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won`t spoil me!
The best nicknames are the ones people don’t know they have
It’s not real love unless you leave your phone in plain sight overnight.
Sometimes I wish my dog could talk…then I remember all the things he has seen me do when I’m alone.
Little known fact: Walt Disney was the inventor of modern day text talk "M - I - C... C u real soon... K - E - Y... Y? Because we like u"
The boss keeps talking about a company 401k … I don’t think I can run that far!
I like working from home. It`s much more comfortable than sleeping in my cubicle.