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I like the part of the day where we eat the food.
They might want to put a picture of that airplane on a milk carton.
I`d rather run into the four horsemen of the apocalypse than a group of women out on a "girls` night."
Of course it`s you....there`s no f*cking way it`s me.
My retirement plan is just $1,000 & a plane ticket to wherever these kids are living on 15 cents a day.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
I decided I`m going to be poor... Its Cheaper :)
So no pizza place on Ninja Turtles ever questioned the delivery address being “The Sewer”
This bald spot just appeared out of thin hair.
I should come with a warning label.
I relate to Game of Thrones because much like my own life, I have no idea what`s going on and there`s a lot of wine drinking.
I AM doing something with my life. It’s called screwing around.
Curling irons have a warning tag that says “For External Use Only.” Which of you sick mofos made that necessary?
They say you need to listen to what your body is telling you. But mine just points and laughs.
There`s actually a website designed to simulate what it`s like to be the sole survivor of a nuclear holocaust, it`s called MySpace.