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What I lack in height, I make up for in kitchen counter climbing ability.
I want to meet myself from someone else’s point of view.
My wife even says "NO" in her sleep. The force is strong with this one.
Three weeks without a signal typo!
I like to think I`m special, because the thought of idiots like me existing in large numbers is f*cking terrifying.
After four karate lessons, I can now break a two-inch board with my cast.
Guys are like bears, if you lay very still they’ll paw at you a bit then give up and go look for food.
Takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do ...
Here`s a crazy concept, maybe I`m not in a bad mood, angry, or a bitch. Maybe I said it because it`s true and I meant it. Marinate on that.
Creating a password in this day and age After the 9th try OKNowI`mReallyMad50BoiledCabbagesUpYourArseIfYouDon`tGiveMeAccessImmediately! `Sorry, that password is already in use`
I hate brushing my teeth at night. It signifies I can`t have any more food and I`m never ready for that kind of commitment
You never know what you have until you clean your room.
Why don`t they make Neapolitan ice cream but with 3 better flavors?
Fun Prank: Put $1000 in an envelope and mail it to me.
If you heard twenty minutes of moaning from my bedroom that was just me trying to stand up.