Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If suppositories were just a bit smaller, they would be a whole lot easier to swallow...........................
I wonder how long I can keep "eating for two" before people notice I`m not actually pregnant.
There`s never been a lazier group of people than the ones that settled on naming a candy bar "Whatchamacallit."
I wish I could talk to donkeys so I could be known as the ass whisperer.
I think stupid people were put on this planet to test my anger management skills.
Iām not a biologist but Iām pretty sure the difference between a moth and a butterfly is that a moth is really ugly.
Sometimes I wish I could officially change "Hump Day" into "Smack-A-Dumb-Bitch-In-The-Face" Day.
I can tell a police officer is gay by the way he writes me a ticket instead of letting me off with a warning.
You know your a$s is ugly when you`re the one always asked to take the photo.
U make me wish I had more middle fingers
Facebook should allow people to be in a relationship with food. That would be my relationship for eternity.
I fear the day when our kids would look at old you tube videos of us doing the Harlem Shake and Gangnam Style and think what a retarded generation ours was.
Answering all questions with "but you ain`t got no legs Lieutenant Dan" stops people from asking you questions.
Sometimes I wonder if the kid in the Dreamworks logo has caught a fish yet.
I just slid off the couch and lay on the floor for a while and eventually sat up without using my hands, is that a yoga class?