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I don`t know what`s scarier. Houses with Halloween decorations or houses that still have up Christmas decorations from last year.
I hate when beggars rattle their cup full of coins at me. Yes i know! You have more money than me, you don`t have to rub it in..
Royal baby was born at 8 pounds. Thats like 12 dollars.
Who cares how I got inside your house. What matters is that we`re together now.
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Red, Trees Are Red ... F*ck? my gardens on fire!
I gotta go guys. I just found out my lunch break isn`t 3 hours long.
Debate?.....isn`t that what you use to catch "The Fish" ?
Facebook is like my fridge… I know there is nothing there but I check it every 10 minutes anyways.
My favorite holiday spirit is poured over ice.
Love makes the world go round, but alcohol makes it go round twice as fast!
I`m the opposite of psychic. I don`t even know what I`m thinking! ;)
Men are usually too focused on the cleavage in the shirt to notice the crazy in the eyes.
Getting another set of teeth would be much more useful at age 60 than age 6.
If pulled over, immediately ask the officer if they`ve been drinking in order to establish dominance.
If your conspiracy theory doesn`t involve cats and dogs, don`t bother me.