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I love how stars are billions of miles apart and we`re like "that`s a soup ladle".
Apparently when a trainer asks you why you want to get in shape and you answer "revenge" it will raise a couple eyebrows.
If you can’t afford to go on vacation, you can always drink until you don’t know where you are!
There are no problems which cannot be solved through suitable application of high explosives.
I went to buy condoms and the cashier just said "yeah right" and put em back on the shelf
Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself.
My New Years resolution is to be more assertive if that`s okay with you guys?
Please tell me I’m not the only one who opens up their Hershey Kisses ever so gently so that the foil doesn’t tear.
For the record, giving someone the creeps for Christmas is technically not a gift.
Story of my life : 1. i wake up .... 2. i go to school.... 3. i see a girl .... 4. i run to her and kiss her.... Actually, the right order is 2,3,4,1 ..
I don’t mean to brag but when I’m at the Taco Bell drive thru placing my order, I don’t even look at the prices.
Is it bad when I´m talking to myself and I´m not even listening?
I thought eyelashes were meant to keep stuff out of your eye but half the time there is anything in my eye its an eyelash!
Don`t kiss behind the garden . Love is blind but the neighbors are not :P
Is it too early to start drinking? - some moron with a clock.