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Attempting to guilt me in to doing something, is the surest way to make sure it never happens.
Life is beautiful ...... but Monday`s suck all the way around.
My friend is a magician, she can turn anything into an argument.
Don`t forget: it`s very important what strangers on the Internet think about you.
Do you know what sexual position produces the ugliest children? ... Go ask your mother.
I`m tired of doing math. I guess I`ll get my lazy as up and fix my clocks today
You know you have anger-management issues when you use an entire can of fly spray at point blank range to kill the tinest of moths...
Rejected Olympic Events: Javelin Catch... Jello Shotput... Border Fencing... Cardboard Boxing... Menstrual Cycling... Salad Tossing... Wrestling Demons...
My thoughts should be ashamed of themselves.
Sometimes when I`m home alone I like to fill my bathtub with spaghetti and pretend I`m a meatball.!
Instead of going to Starbucks, I make my own coffee, yell my name out incorrectly, and then light a $5 bill on fire.
you`re about as useless as a red light in grand theft auto
Never piss off the person that cooks your dinner ... EVER!
“I’m sorry” and “my bad” mean the same thing… Unless you’re at a funeral.
funny status idea: a funny and popular one