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You can never read a doctor`s prescription, but you can sure read his bill
People in love use phrases like “takes my breath away” and “swept me off my feet”. I think they’re confusing love with attempted murder.
If you play any Taylor Swift song backwards you`ll hear messages from the devil, however even worse........... if you play it forwards, you`ll hear Taylor Swift
A boob job sounds like the best job in the world.
I really thought 2015 had potential to be “my year” but we’re 2 months in and that ship has sailed so I’ll try again for 2016.
WikiHow suggested 9 Ways to Celebrate Earth Day.... I did all by ?#? SLEEPING?the whole day! How???? I smoked less, used water/power less etc. Wikiwikiwiki!!!!!
Sometimes I write "This is a hold up. I have a gun." in the memo of the checks I write for people and pray they cash them at the teller.
Once a month, women go completely crazy for about thirty days.
I once bought shoes in China that said "made around the corner"
You made several good points, and I understand that you are right, but the way you said it was so douchey I have to take an opposite stance.
I`ll vacuum over something a hundred times before I pick it up and place it back down and try again.
How come people who think they know everything never seem to know when to shut up?
Today I saw something that reminded me of you. But don`t worry, I flushed and everything went back to normal.
I eat my Chinese food just like any other American, with chopsticks, one grain of rice at a time.
Reasons to date me: I laugh at my own jokes so you don`t have to.