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How come know-it-alls, don`t know how annoying they are?
Having a contest with my couch and my washing machine to see who has more money. So far I`m in 3rd.
I just attempted to wash a paper plate if you wonder how much money I have available.
twinkle twinkle little star ... point me to the nearest bar.
I didn`t want to grow up; I just wanted to be able to reach the cookies.
Sorry that most of my hilarious jokes are borderline inappropriate. And by sorry, I mean you`re welcome.
I`m so old, I remember when a hashtag was called a pound sign And before that ... we used to play Tic-Tac-Toe on that sh!t.
I don`t see the point of sex if the neighbours don`t hear it.
Walmart calls them self checkouts, I call them I might not pay for some of this.
If I ever win the lottery and someone asks me for money I`m going to give them a dollar and say "Here. Go play the Lottery. That`s what I did."
Dear Rebecca Black, you are the most beautiful And prettiest girl in the world. Don`t let the haters get you down. P.S Forgot to mention today`s opposite day.
It`s not karma, you`re just an idiot.
The best part of winter coming is that all the bugs are rotting in hell where they belong.
C`mon Netflix, we both know I`m watching the next episode. Just go ahead and start it.
I`m gonna just take a quick nap before I go to bed.