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"How much for the man cave?" "Sir that`s a doghouse." "Can you install cable?"
New kitchen game: `Fridge and Cupboard Tetris`- Putting the possibility of being pummeled by a food avalanche on a whole new level of adventure.
You’re not an easy person to like….I like that about you.
I think you and I both know that you`re not facebook friends with me for the funny statuses.
The problem with the general public is that it`s made of people.
Salary is like a menstrual cycle, it comes once a month and is gone in five days...
When I was your age, we had to walk ten miles in the snow to get drunk and have s€x.
The only thing worse than having it rain after you wash your car is have to poop as soon as you get out of the shower.
I`ll be drinking tell I see Leprechauns tonight.
Pretending to be nice is exhausting...
Mirrors don’t lie. And, lucky for me, they don’t laugh either.
The mailman just delivered an 8-track of Boz Skaggs Greatest Hits. I guess this fulfills my Columbia House obligation.
I think my “check engine” light has finally burned out. So that’s good.
Yesterday I fell off a 50 foot ladder. It`s probably a good thing I was on the bottom step...
I’ve found the best way to learn your co-workers’ names is by eating their food in the office fridge