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Looks like I won`t be updating my status today...
The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time.
HR called me in today and told me I have a bad attitude. So they`re transferring me over to IT and giving me a raise.
My family is missing that gene that tells you when trash cans are full.
Men use love to get sex...women use sex to get love...I use coupons to get pizza!
The divorce rate is almost at 60%. How does Cupid keep his job with that level of failure?
I am not looking for a one night stand, 2 hours will be plenty enough.
The way I figure it, whatever doesn’t kill me has lost it’s chance.
Did anyone else ever wonder why the Easter Bunny gave away chocolate eggs? Last I checked, bunnies don’t lay eggs. What kind of sick new species is this?
I was in a bar when a girl called me a cheapskate. So I threw her drink in her face.
Is it just me, or is Fantasy Football basically Dungeons & Dragons for jocks?
You know you`re old when you come close to shaving your nipple off while trying to shave your legs!
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
The one thing you can always count on is your fingers.
Chuck E Cheese: Because it`s never too early to introduce your children to gambling and bad nutrition.