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Do gun manuals have Trouble Shooting sections?
How did human beings express empathy before the phrase "that sucks" was coined?
This beer tastes like future mistakes.
Next time a skinny bitch calls herself fat… I’m gonna agree with her.
Repeat after me: It doesn’t matter how big the problem is, posting it on Facebook won’t solve it.
Love going into a crowded area and yelling, "Hey stupid!!" and seeing how many people turn around.
That awkward moment when you’re laughing so hard, you accidentally hit your head on something..
Another tragedy today in the music industry.....Justin Beiber was just found alive in his apartment. :(
I`ve been eating a lot of extra calories since daylight savings to make up for that hour of eating I missed.
If women are so perfect at multitasking, how come they can`t have a headache and sex at the same time?
With all the botched executions lately, it has been suggested that we bring back the guillotine. But if we do that I`m sure heads will roll.
Give a man a fish and he`ll go to McDonald`s instead. Teach a man to fish and nope, still McDonald`s
If you hold a 40oz bottle to your ear you can hear the ghetto.
One good thing about repeating your mistakes is that you know when to cringe.
If my ceiling fan could hold my weight, I`d never be bored again.