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They say the key to a fitness routine is having a workout buddy and that`s why I surround myself with lazy people
If you drink enough, your brain starts photo-shopping people.
You know its cold out ......when you go outside..... and it`s cold out
So much for the saying, 3rd times a charm, I just checked my Mega Millions ticket for the 3rd time, and still nothing.
I get so confused when I`m about to watch a TV show or movie and "For Mature Audiences Only" appears on the screen. Can I watch or not?
Wouldn`t it be great to revive the old "Mutual Of Omaha`s Wild Kingdom" show, but with a new setting? Like a WalMart Store in Kentucky?
Are you always this stupid? or are you just making special effort today...
Guys write songs about girls they love. Girls write songs about guys they have broken up with
On a scale of one to crazy, how many cats do you have?
The thought of having my own kids is scary because anyone who`s half me and half someone dumb enough to have sex with me is doomed
There needs to be more “damn it I missed my exit” exits.
The guys at Home Depot must take classes to know exactly what I meant by "the little thing next to that one piece with the round thing."
I hate it when I fill my blowup doll with helium and then she plays hard to get...
One time I exaggerated so hard that I died.
Having plans sounds great until you realize you have to put on clothes and actually leave the house.