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Just ordered a Fitbit and my bank called to see if my card was stolen.
I still dunno why they say cats have 9 lives. My cat only eats & sleeps all day long. It has no life at all!
If I had three wishes, I`d use one for boobs. Because I`m pretty sure I could get everything else that I wanted if I had boobs.
"It gotten SOOO cold in D.C., politicians have their hands in their OWN pockets!"
It`s so strange to think that before Facebook all of this nonsense just stayed in people`s heads.
It`s funny how my car drives slower on the way to work, than when I`m on my way home.
I bet heroin addicts can open a Capri sun on the first try.
Alarm Clock(n): An evil device invented by Satan to disrupt the peaceful sleep of otherwise happy folks at a predetermined hour.
Do you know what I hate worse than people? Groups of people.
Rumors are like fires. No one admits to starting them and before you know it, they`re out of control.
Another year has passed. I`ve just about given up on the Mayans.
Iām bored. Anyone need anything avenged?
We got an extra day this year. Why did it have to be a Monday?
Just discovered an app that tells you which one of your friends is stupid. It`s called Facebook.
He said he liked surprises, but when I showed up late at night dressed as a clown and knocked on his window, it`s all screaming and sh!t.