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Hey I just met you... And this is Crazy... But this is a nice restaurant... So, Silence your baby!
I get carried away sometimes… Usually because I refuse to leave.
I give 2 star movies 5 stars on Netflix because if I sat through this piece of sh!t, I want you to as well.
Next time a stranger talks to me when I`m alone, I will look at them shocked and whisper quietly...."You can see me???"
It makes sense that animals pee on something to mark their territory. I mean if someone peed on something, most people would be like, "Eww, okay. That`s yours now."
The right man breaks your headboard, not your heart.
I wonder how many messengers were killed before they came up with the saying.
Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and they live for 150 years. Lesson learned.
Had a pizza today without extra cheese. Dieting is hard
The awkward moment when you’re not sure if something is your actual memory or if your brain made it up.
I hope manners is the next cool trend.
The number of lies told by men would decrease significantly if women stopped asking questions
I like to refer to myself as a "Second-hand Vegetarian". Animals eat grass. I eat animals.
If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
All through school I assumed they saved the number 1 pencils for the smart kids