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Pick any number. Multiply it by two. Now add 12 to it. Divide it by 3. Now change it to 10. That`s how many seconds you just wasted.
I have something on my mind but I am not telling you, Facebook.
How long do I have to sleep before I`m legally a bear?
"I have to go eat cake now", should be a perfectly valid reason for leaving a social occasion where cake has not been provided.
If women ruled the world, There would be no wars. just a bunch of counties not talking to each other!
I`m leaving my body to science because even scientists need a good laugh now and then.
The only thing worse than having it rain after you wash your car is have to poop as soon as you get out of the shower.
Adding "and sh!t" to the end of a sentence to make it sound cooler and sh!t.
I just ate Pasta and Anti-Pasta, but they annihilated each other, now I am hungry again.......
I`ve found the most effective way to get an attractive guy to fall for me is by simply using my charm... and then a stun gun.
Life tip: if someone comes out of a bathroom sweating, do not go in that bathroom.
Depresso; the feeling you get when you`ve run out of coffee.
This may be the wine talking but help he’s drinking me, he’s drinking me.
Does Holy Crap comes from Holy Cow.?
When people introduce themselves to me for the first time, I tell them, "Yes, we`ve met before." So they feel awkward trying to remember me