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Sticks and stones may break my bones but words... words might hurt me deeply, causing great emotional, mental, and psychological damage leading toward a lowered self-esteem and irregular bowel movements.
You can`t make me believe there`s a shortage of jobs in this country when there are 23 cash registers at WalMart and only 3 cashiers.
My phone is covered in cupcake frosting and dried ice cream, in case you were wondering how my life is going.
If its true we`re here to help others, then what exaclty are the others here for?
Always remember, it`s better to arrive late than to arrive ugly.
Today is national bring your flask to work day. I just made it up. Tell the others...
There is a piece of aluminum foil blowing across the road and all I can think is that one of you is without your protective headgear today.
I dreamt that was dreaming, and then someone woke me up and told me I was dreaming but it turned out I had only dreamed that so I went back to sleep in my dream, all upset that my dream that I was dreaming was interrupted by another dream....hahahahaha.....whoa, need to lay off the Red Bull.
How long do I have to stand in front of the microwave for to become a member of X-Men?
Scratch and Sniff Here [____] …Smells like glass, doesn’t it
If I drove a UPS truck there’s a 100% chance I would fall out of the truck when I turned corners.
If I had to describe myself in one word, it would be "bad at following directions."
I wonder if the earth teases other planets for having no life.
My wife says I`m a clueless idiot. I didn`t even know I had a wife.
President Donald Trump will sign an executive order tomorrow to bring back Pluto as a planet. Make the universe GREAT again.