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Man, this Trojan gum I bought tastes terrible ... Blows amazing bubbles though
Those of you who say “I’ll sleep when I’m dead” don’t really get how the whole “dead” thing works, do you?
Olympic Mens Ice Hockey USA vs Canada. Loser keeps Justin Bieber.
I pack an hour before leaving for a trip but unpacks 3 months after coming home
I miss newspapers. It`s weird hitting a dog on the nose with an iPad
I forget, on which side of my dinner plate am I supposed to set my phone?
Dating a woman in 5 easy steps: 1. Be attentive 2. Don`t be too attentive 3. Show interest 4. Don`t show too much interest 5. Seek therapy
I gotta go guys. I just found out my lunch break isn`t 3 hours long.
My favorite thing about decorative towels is how you`re not allowed to use them. Because nothing says class like useless towels.
Whoever invented the 5 day work week and 2 day weekend can suck my a**!
My therapist says I am too preoccupied by vengeance.... We`ll see about that.
everyone is BEAUTIFUL in there own way--your just to UGLY to see that
Whoever said “There is nothing as precious as a child’s laughter” obviously never fell down a flight of stairs in front of his kids.
My friend bought some new floral underwear today. I asked her why she bought `floral` underwear to which she replied "its in memory of all the faces that have been buried there".
Ways to Win my Heart: Buy me Beer Bring me Beer Be Beer.