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I just had a conversation with my-self...but it just turned into an argument. I think it`s that time of the month...
I`m so scattered I don`t know whether I found this rope or lost my horse.
Sarcasm is like a good game of chess. Most people don`t know how to play chess.
If I have ten pieces of bacon and you take five pieces, what do you have? Thats right., A black eye and a broken hand!
A lie is just a great story that someone ruined by telling the truth.
The leading cause of divorce ? ... marriage
My winter wardrobe consists of my summer clothes layered on top of one and other.
Do the other settings on the washer actually do anything?
I just want to be perfect... Nah just kidding, I love being weird
Waldo’s mom must be worried sick.
The roof of the McDonalds in my town has 38 Pickle slices on it from times I ordered sh!t without pickles in it.
Alarm Clock(n): An evil device invented by Satan to disrupt the peaceful sleep of otherwise happy folks at a predetermined hour.
This spider just got away from me because I made the classic villain mistake of telling him my whole evil plan before killing him.
Truthfully, I`d like you all a whole lot better if you were bacon.
"Always leave them wanting more" is my new mantra when paying bills.