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People who are offended by offensive things offend me.
Drive-Thru Workers: The longer you make me wait in line, the more change will be used for my payment...
Shout out to bees, willing to kill themselves just to inconvenience a hater.
Whenever someone ends their status with "LOL" I know it`s a repost, cuz...who the hell laughs at their own statuses? LMAO!
When I`m bored I like to call in sick to places I don`t work for. I`m getting written up at Home Depot
"I`ll let you know" = I need more time to come up with an excuse
I get a little nervous before saying Worcestershire sauce.
I took a pic of my self a few days ago. Now I`m playing with it. Yeah...I`m playing with my selfie.
Therapy has taught me that it is all your fault.
Do people with cats not know about dogs?
Today`s brilliant idea: Slim Fast beer.
When someone tries to tell me they can`t do something, I`m like "you ever hear of the Power of Grayskull?"
Running shoes? No, I don`t run. These are my "better hurry up the liquor store is about to close" shoes.
I`m not giving the kids a time out. I`m giving myself one. The thought of sitting in a corner & being ignored sounds just heavenly.
I have blank business cards I hand out and call them my “none of your business” cards.