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Do you think they still give out chips in Gambler`s Anonymous?
Forget the hero part, I just like the fact that Batman punches clowns.
Next time a customer service rep asks “Is there anything else I can do for you?” whisper “Smile for the camera, I’m watching you” & hang up
I woke up this morning with a glass of water on my bedside table with a note saying “for hungover me” I drank it and it was vodka. Drunk me can be such an asshole!
Today is Valentine’s Day or as I call it… Tuesday.
I guess “Trying to be” isn’t really the answer the doctor was looking for when he asked if I was sexually active.
Some people think I say inappropriate things...I perfer to think of it as being f*cking honest.
Every day I struggle between “I wanna look good naked” and “treat yourself.”
People who have more than 10 items in the express line… We see you and we are judging you.
Apparently you can not demand to be strip searched.
How come there are never any restrooms in my dreams
Some of the happiest years of a woman`s life are when she`s 29.
My neighbors listen to AC/DC at 6:00 every morning. Whether they like it or not...
I think I may be getting harder to love.
I just ate some generic Frosted Flakes.... They"rrrrreeee alright.