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"I`m on my way." -People who haven`t even left the house yet.
Facebook: Saving us money on birthday cards since 2004
Imagine how frustrating it would be if Tic-Tacs were individually wrapped
My wife just gave me an ultimatum, it’s either her or Facebook. So sadly, this will be my last joke….. in which I talk about having a wife.
I feel like I`m not getting the full experience of a gas station bathroom if I don`t cut and dye my hair and change my identity.
Sometimes I wish you could ask the pharmacist to "make it a double".
My favorite flavor of ice cream is yes.
Ever had one of those days that you feel like you should have skipped the coffee and went straight for the booze?
I`ve just invented an invisibility cloak; anything under it is rendered completely invisible. I`m still working out the kinks; you can still see the cloak itself
I never thought you could really guess too low whenever a woman asks you her age. I guess 6 was pushing it.
With great power comes a great electricity bill.
is experiencing life at a rate of several wtf´s a minute
I bet if Jesus had turned water into Vodka. The Bible would`ve been a lot more interesting.
People says nothing is imposible.. But i do nothing everyday!!
I`m not perfect. But I am better than you.