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Statistically, 132% of all people exaggerate.
Just woke up next to my bed. Not sure if I fell out or didn`t quite make it in.
You guys ever trip out on the fact that Indian people eat Indian food for breakfast?
BEST PICK UP LINE: You would probably sleep better tonight if we had sex.
I get you, anti-evolution people. I`m too lazy to learn science too.
Coffee: fueling you for a job you can`t stand to support a life you never wanted. Tastes good though...
Find someone you`re good at.
There are days when everything goes perfectly. . I wonder what those are like?
Mirrors don’t lie. And, lucky for me, they don’t laugh either.
I hope I die doing something extreme like climbing Mt. Everest or telling a woman I don`t like her new haircut.
I`m always right. And when I`m not, I edit Wikipedia.
Divorce is what happens when two people win an argument.
If I was antisocial I wouldn`t have just ordered a pizza over the phone.
I think that a lot of conflict that happened in the Wild West could`ve been avoided had architects in those days just made their towns big enough for everyone.
If my grandmother were alive today, I`m pretty sure she`d still have her blinker on.