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Just put my money where my mouth is. Pennies taste disgusting.
Sometimes, late at night in the market..i switch up all the color tubes in the hair dye kits.
Einstein was wrong. The real definition of insanity is trying to clean your house when you have children.
My girlfriend would be so mad if she found out that I`m telling people she`s my girlfriend.
If ignorance is bliss. You must be the happiest person on this planet.
Would you like to donate $1 to this charity or leave the checkout line feeling like human scum?
I may have just inadvertently accomplished something
I read an article the other day that said, "if you drink every day you are an alcoholic." Thank god I only drink at night.
What if the stickers are the only thing Made In China?
Just made eye contact with a guy while licking my lips ... I think I need to kill him now.
My stove top knob reads, LO | 2 | 4 | 6 | 8 | 10 | HI......so what is Med-High, Medium Low?...They just need to lay it out for me in numbers! Like "set stove top to 8." no wait, 9.? Food manufacturerers and stove manufactuerers need to get toghether on this! So let me see,..... (me thinking)....if ten is high...5 is medium that means 7.5..... WAIT!.....low would be 0 so HI would be 12???....WTF!!! forget about simmer!........HEY KIDS! WHO WANTS PIZZA!
Just when I think I`m over my insomnia the car behind me honks.
"I love you unconditionally*." -God *certain terms and conditions apply. See Bible for more details.
Instead of spending $2,000 on a purse, some of you ladies should use the money for therapy sessions.
Showed the kids here how to eat corn-on-the-cob typewriter style........ Now explaining typewriter.