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I wish people would consult me before trying to insult me, because I could help them come up with a much better one.
Fighting is bad. Breaking up a fight between a douchebag and the bar owner is good. Thank God I`m a ninja.
My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me.
like this if you are against animal cruelty
As the day goes on, coworkers start appearing more flammable.
When I was your age, we had to walk 10 miles in the snow to get drunk and have s€x.
Drinking: because why not intensify the feelings you`re trying to escape?
I`m undecided about which pants to wear today...Smarty of Fancy?
Be good ... or I will text Santa
If I had a dollar for every time I had a nickel.......
New favorite term: Multislacking. It’s nice to find a name for something you’re good at.
Do you have neighbors?.. Do you have extension cords?..... Are you paying too much for electricity?
Benefits of hooking up with me: You will be hooking up with me. I could go on but I think I made my point.
I already know that I`m going to hell ... At this point it`s really go big or go home.
I don`t drink to feel better about myself. I drink to feel better about being with you