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Jesus is coming.... look busy
Women need a tattoo that somehow signals their menstrual cycle ... * A Cramp Stamp
Separating the men from the boys, one mood swing at a time.
9 out of 10 husbands agree that their wives are always right. The 10th one hasn`t been seen since the study was conducted.
It`s really quite simple ... I do what I want! ... The End.
I hate when I go to pump gas only to find out that the little metal "handle hold up thingy" is broken, so I have actually squeeze and hold the handle. I hate it for two reasons: 1) its gross and i just wanna peel my hand skin off like gloves when im done. 2) it makes me realize how lazy I am.
If someone starts a sentence with "words can`t express," brace yourself, because they`re about to give it a hell of a try anyway.
"Thank God!!! They are finally taking these damn rubber bands off." -The last thing a lobster thinks.
Who called them expiration dates instead of spoiler alerts
What am I taking to the Family Thanksgiving feast? Tupperware.
Whenever I get sick, I get my immune system drunk so it will fight anything.
I like to think that people that unfriend me wake up months later regretting that irreversible and life altering decision.
Let’s have a moment of silence for all these guys that tried to walk across power lines but fell because someone tied their shoes together.
The exam hall is the only place on the earth where everyone is desperate for teamwork..
I bet guys that work at strip clubs are "hard" workers...