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If you watched a person cut a piece of wood, would that be sawed or seen?
Relationships are like yard sales... They look good from a distance but you get there & realize its just a bunch of sh!t you dont need.
My doctor asked me if I drink to excess. I told him I would drink to anything.
If it weren’t for physics and law enforcement, I’d be unstoppable.
Few things in life are more pleasurable than turning off the lights in a public bathroom while people are still inside.
One day you will die, but every other day you won’t. So that’s pretty great, right? ... Inspirational posts are hard.
The recipe I am making says to chill for 30 minutes so I`m sitting back and having a margarita!
Of course morning sex is better. You haven`t spent the day annoying the crap out of each other yet.
I like to start my morning off with a good nap.
A recent survey has shown that 50% of all newlyweds want to try anal sex. Or to put it another way, 100% of grooms.
"Spring Ahead" this weekend for Daylight Saving Time proves there is a much quicker way than Facebook to lose an hour in your life....
POLITICS; from `poly` meaning `many and `Tics` meaning blood-sucking creatures. Just sayin`
I just sent out my daily text to a random number saying "I hit Zack with my truck. I`m going to need to use your hacksaw to cut him up.
What’s the difference between partly cloudy and partly sunny?
Fun thing to do #48: Spice up your food delivery order by ending the call with "And NO cops!"