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I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
Some day I wanna be "change my oil every 3000 miles" rich!
ah... Crocs the 21st century version of the chastity belt
If I`m in your house and you have bookshelves... Be prepared to see me turning statues and bending down books while looking for your lair.
Too bored to do nothing. Too lazy to do anything.
Guess what I saw today? Everything I looked at.
I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. It was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato.
my boss told me to start the presentation with a joke,so I showed my payslip.
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I love everybody. Some I love to be around, some I love to avoid, and others I love to punch in the face.
I am 5 for 5 on popping my trunk instead of unlocking the fuel door at the gas station.
That urge you get to write "No one gives a sh!t" on someone`s status..
I want to get a welcome mat for my front door that just says "Text Me"
I bought 2 fish and named one, “one” and the other “two”, so when “one” dies I will still have “two”.
80% of my life is pulling percentages out of thin air and stating them as facts...