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"This is bullsh!t" - bull farmer giving barn tours
Look at the keyboard. It has `U` and `I` together. Look underneath that. It says `JK`.
Woke up with my credit card lying on my keyboard. I can`t wait to see what drunk me bought sober me.
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers? ;)
I would like to think I will die a heroic death, but it`s more likely I`ll trip over my dog and choke on a spoonful of frosting.
The road to hell is paved with good intentions Note to self...avoid good intentions at all costs.
Trust me , as you get to know me , i just get weirder.
They say a dog park is a great place to pick up girls. I don`t have a dog so I am walking around with a bag of poop so I won`t look weird.
is without a doubt, the most popular and best looking person using this laptop.
When life gives you lemons....throw them back and yell, "I wanted cookies!"
C`mon Netflix, we both know I`m watching the next episode. Just go ahead and start it.
Birth control pills should really be made for men. It makes more sense to unload a gun than to shoot a bulletproof vest.
A dating site based on Netflix viewing compatibility.
10 times out of 9, you’ll find me exaggerating about something
Kids teach you so many life lessons. Unconditional love, patience, the meaning of family, but mostly to lock the bedroom door.