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Girls don`t dress for guys, they dress for themselves. If they dressed for guys they would be naked all the time
I was thinking about selling my old phone but I think it knows too much.
Anything is possible when you have no clue what you`re talking about
I can still remember a time when I knew more than my phone
Turns out I`m ambidextrous at yet another sport! And I even scored a bingo twice. Left-handed!
When you think about it, the little old man behind the curtain in Oz was the original catfish.
My pants are 75% off.
I don`t know why people freak out and run when they see a spider. They are just gonna climb in your mouth when you are sleeping anyway.
“Can we talk tomorrow?” is my way of saying “I’ll try to do a better job of avoiding you tomorrow?”
For over 20 years, I thought Bon Jovi gave love a Band-Aid
Celebrate Valentines Day responsibly, or you`ll be celebrating Thanksgiving in a maternity ward
Relationships would be easier if people came with a "Clear History" button.
I`m starting a pay it backward campaign. When I get up to the drive through window I tell them that the car behind me is going to pay for it.
The most impressive thing about marathon runners is how they don’t check their phone for 3 hours.
I prefer a slowie not a quickie.