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I always stop to help women broke down. I don`t know sh!t about cars, but I do know how a good porno starts off!
Decided to make a life altering decision today.... When I think of it I`ll let you know
I`m so broke, if somebody tried to rob me right now, they would just be practicing.
Love means never being able to like another girl’s selfie on Instagram ever again.
The problem with this generation boils down to this one thing: Their cartoons suck.
If you say "cash money" around me, Don`t act surprised when I kick you in the "balls nuts" See how stupid that sounds?
I`m great in bed" ~ breakfast
I love myself everyday. Sometimes, twice a day.
When your kids become teenagers, it`s important to have a dog so someone in the house is happy to see you.
Only you can prevent bathroom mirror pictures.
I would like to learn one of those clicking languages from Africa because I get the feeling my knees are trying to tell me something.
I always say, your laundry is never completely done, unless you do it in the nude. Which probably explains the strange looks at the laundrymat this afternoon.
You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn`t come back, what you`ve lost is a normal pigeon.
"..all the king`s horses & all the king`s men couldn`t get Humpty together again" ... What guy thought horses might figure it out?
Finding a needle in a haystack is quite easy if you just set the hay on fire.