Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It is days like today that I am glad that we all don`t live in a Yellow Submarine. Well at least not in the same one.
I have thought a lot about it and I am thrilled to announce that I have decided to never die.
Of course your opinion matters. Just not to me.
Some people wouldn`t understand irony if it beat them over the head with a helmet.
Son: "Dad, can you write in the dark?" Dad: "Uh, I think so, why?" Son: "I need you to sign my report card."
Always remember to speak clearly when complimenting a woman`s boots...
Ugly is such an ugly word. If I must describe an ugly person I´d prefer to use the term "handsomely-challenged"
I may or may not have just "Whipped my Hair Back and Forth".......
Social media is great if you like socializing without wearing pants.
I`m often a little confused when people call me insane because, to be honest, I`m still just warming up.
I was halfway through a recipe when I read the instruction "Now chill in fridge for at least two hours". I only managed 30 minutes. I was freezing.
You say toilet, I say alcohol vomit receptacle.
There`s nothing a floored gas pedal and cranked music can`t cure.
I sent off for some information on my family tree. They sent me back a packet of seeds and suggested it would be in my best interest that I just start over.
I’d steal a doughnut truck and attempt to outrun the cops, just to let people see a bunch of cops chasing a doughnut truck!