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I told my psychiatrist that I`ve been hearing voices. He told me that I don`t have a psychiatrist.
Sluts are just hookers with no grasp of economics.
I used to have superpowers but the psychiatrist took them away.
Don´t wait for the perfect moment. Take the moment and make it perfect.
Life is a constant battle between my love of food & not wanting to get fat.
Let`s be honest, Dos Equis. After a bunch of ANY beer, what guy DOESN`T think he`s the most interesting man in the world?
drinking while working out...it`s called Bacardio
That moment when you realize the object of #WeightWatchers is NOT see who can score the most points...
It`s always nice to be called Pretty in the morning. So what if he was hiding behind the trash wearing no pants.
If the shoe fits, wear it. And if these shoes belong to someone else, walk away briskly.
Everything I need to know in life I learned in kindergarten... if you poop your pants they let you go home.
I just keep telling myself you guys don`t have sex either.
Deja Vu: When God thinks something is so funny he has to rewind it to show it to his friends
My husband`s wife is freakin` awesome!
As a kid, I used to be afraid of the dark. Now as an adult, I love the dark because I’m terrified of the electricity bill.