Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Helpful Tip: A ceiling fan won`t cut a bagel in half ... Not even on top speed
I hide from people too, so I get it unicorns, I get it.
Sorry for accidentally karate kicking you. Sorry for high-fiving everyone who saw it.
can´t seem to find love. but its okay. I know exactly where the beer is.
I do procrastinate more than I should, but it always gives me something to do tomorrow...
Apparently a good way to get asked to leave the gym is to move a treadmill behind a guy on a stationary bike and pretend you`re angrily chasing him.
Do you ever get up in the morning and look in the mirror and say, "that can`t be right"?
If you`re not procrastinating just a little, you`re not doing Saturday right.
You had me at “We’ll make it look like an accident.”
Opening the Tupperware cupboard at home should be regarded as an extreme sport.
I`m always on the verge of running three miles, or drinking a bottle of Vodka
My dog acts like her entire family was murdered by a vacuum cleaner.
I`m always amazed that when tragedy strikes how quickly people on Facebook become experts on the subject no matter what it is.
Picking up someone at a bar when you`re drunk, is like going to the grocery store hungry... You end up taking home crap you didn`t want
Sometimes I feel happy, but then the Oreos run out.