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You say `pervert with a telescope` ... I say `biological astronomer`.
like this if you are against animal cruelty
doesn`t mind that people start spreading rumors about me.. it’s when they spread the truth that I’m screwed ;)
My boss is having a colonoscopy today. I sure hope they find his head.
Ever get out of the shower and not remember getting a towel ready but its there anyway? You`re welcome.
Getting stuff out of my refrigerator is like playing Jenga.
My life coach just benched me.
I think when a restaurant has "lobster celebration" it is very misleading to the lobster.
You know you`re broke when your bank flags deposits as suspicious activity.
Here`s a joke for all you mind readers...
I like to follow random families around Disneyland for a day and just be in the background of all their photos.
If you ever feel like a failure, just know that somewhere in the world, someone just lost their straw inside a Capri Sun.
It`s all shits and giggles till someone giggles and shits
Sorry I missed your call ... I was to busy singing and dancing to the ringtone
The best part about living by myself is not having to explain why I fell asleep on the kitchen counter… naked… again.