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Sarcasm: because snapping a neck is frowned upon in a court of law.
People should mute themselves on conference calls when they are crossing a battlefield and killing enemies to get to the next level.
The worlds gonna end in 5 days & I don`t know what I`m gonna wear.
I keep myself in good enough shape to outrun most women and children during emergencies.
I`m beginning to think the only reason I buy bananas is to watch them die a painful death on my counter.
After 20 yrs of marriage, my best move is to clean something unexpectedly.
I`m introducing a new calendar system: B.C. = Before Children. A.D. = After Divorce.
A sign on the wall of the drug store said, "Ask the pharmacist if you have questions." How would the pharmacist know if I have questions?
Oh I thought it was wait 30 YEARS after eating before you exercise.
"I`m not drunk" - Biggest Friday Night Lie.
You know what would make my cubicle super cute? Fire.
If someone says “you’re funny” instead of laughing, you’re not.
If ANY of my posts have made even one person’s day better, then there’s something seriously wrong with that person
Why do ballerinas always stand in their toes? Why don`t they get taller dancers?
I used to question how much information was too much information. Joined Facebook, It`s much clearer now