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Sawing a hole in the bottom of a table to steal someone`s cake is way harder than it looks on cartoons.
I make one mistake and my pharmacist now adds "by mouth" on the prescription label.
I`m at the age where I need at least 3 weeks advance notice before doing anything spontaneous
Dude, I can`t post AND know when the light turns green. I`m pretty, not magical.
So you constantly feel sorry for yourself and feel the need to tell everyone all about it. I can’t imagine why he left you.
You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.
When I`m older, I`m going to buy one of those Volkswagen Bugs. Only because I have a excuse to hit my wife every time we go somewhere.
I`ll make better mistakes tomorrow.
Mustaches: 1. Like them or not? 2. Should you refuse to go out on a date with someone just because she has one?
Girls, dont read this please: Hey guys, isn`t it funny how our wives/or girlfirends really think that we care what they did that day? lol.....it never gets old.
Cookies and porn are always better when they`re homemade!
Just picked the remote up off the floor with my feet while lying on the couch, so I guess today was leg day...
gone fishing ¸.·´¯`·.¸><((((º>
I just heard a woodpecker call me a `paranoid old weirdo` in morse code.
You can`t run from your problems. unless your fat.