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Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.
I`ve tried several times, but I can`t pet a cat without plotting world domination.
As a community service, I send random inmates letters how my life is going to cheer them up.
I bought a used UPS truck. It gets bad gas mileage but I can park anywhere.
thinks the voices in my head are out of beer.
Just found a hole in my sock and now I`m worried that the whole drawer might be pregnant.
If you think human beings have evolved a lot. Look at how much Egyptians worshiped cats. Then go look at Facebook for about 10 minutes.
After four karate lessons, I can now break a two-inch board with my cast
Yawning is our body`s way of saying 10% of battery remaining.
There’s no worse feeling than realizing your wife has fallen asleep & you’ve spent the last 20 minutes watching Real Housewives by yourself.
I wish I could select all my responsibilities and press delete.
Looks don’t matter to me if you’re attractive.
Mouth the word " vacuum" to a stranger & see what happens.
After watching the "Schticky" ad, I am convinced now there are 8 wonders of the world.
I’m watching this show on stalkers, still haven’t seen any of you yet.