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New Rule: If I hold the door open for you and you walk by without thanking me I am guaranteed at least one attempt at trying to trip you.
I hate it when people beg for likes, like if you agree?
I love long legs.... Long sexy legs..... But not on a Spider, I hate long sexy legs on a Spider.
When anyone ask me to babysit, I ask if their kid is a "mean drunk" or a "happy drunk." Gets me out of it every time.
When I think of a SELFIE, I`m not sure it`s the same thing you`re thinking of...
If you get angry, just take deep breaths and count to ten. Unless you`re angry about oxygen and numbers.
If a worker gets fired & banned from the Lego company, have they been "blocked"?
Why does whoop-ass only come in a can?
Anything you say will be used against you, in an argument, 10 months from now, because Iām a woman. And we never forget. Anything. Ever.
I am not particularly bad at cooking but how long is pasta supposed to stay in the toaster ?
Sorry I mispronounced your baby`s name you made up.
If you`re not the lead dog, the scenery never changes!
Step 1 Change your wifi password to blowmefirst. Step 2 Wait for someone to ask for your wifi password.
I didn`t see anyone important today, so I`ll probably wear these same clothes tomorrow.
Nobody expects you to post brilliance. Just be yourself, with the occasional intent of bringing shame to your entire family.