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Of course it`s you. If it was me I wouldn`t even bring it up.
When girls wear yoga pants I feel like a ghost from Mario. Uncontrollably attracted when they turn away, but frozen when they look at me.
Why is there an eject button on the DVD remote? I still have to get up and take the disc out. It`s like having a remote to open the fridge.
The circus may no longer come to town but at least we’re guaranteed to always see a few clowns in Washington.
When someone says “you’re the best,” just know that it’s not really true because I’m the best.
"Who`s this clown?" - every guy about every other guy who is in a photo with a girl we like
the real full form of M.B.A....Married But Available
FYI: You have to stop Facebook posting to have an alibi for ignoring texts.
The problem with taking the road less traveled is the poor phone signal...
When you drink alcohol you are just borrowing happiness from tomorrow.
"Does this dress make me look fat?"-- Now, what I SHOULD have said was, "No, dear! You are little black dress approved!" but what came out was, "When did your bum move to the front?"
Dear life, When I said "can my day get any worse?" it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.
If a gay guy doesn`t write a book called "Fifty Shades of Haaaaaayyy" I`ll be disappointed.
The person before me got $0.57 worth of gas. My day doesn`t seem so bad now.
My butt decided to go big instead of go home.