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therapy is expensive...vodka is not. need I say more....
I`m at the "what can I make with green beans and cake mix" stage of needing groceries
Tequila... cuz the bed isn`t goin to spin itself!
My job blocked the Favstar website and I`m not sure if I should quit or take hostages. Haha! Jk. I`m totally taking hostages.
Does a transformer get car insurance or life insurance?
I`m just a guy standing in front of a huge pile of laundry wondering how flammable it is.
I feel like I am losing my mind !!! But as long as I can keep the bit that tells me when to pee, I should be OK !!
Even though I`m only 29, I know I`m going to die a bitter, lonely, miserable old man ... I`m married.
I think you know you’ve got a problem when every letter of the alphabet triggers a porn bonanza in your address bar.
If someone says “you’re funny” instead of laughing, you’re not.
When I hear someone say they hear voices in their head, I wonder if they’re just thinking for the first time.
I just "borrowed" my neighbors nissan frontier, they make that trick look easier on the commercial
I swear, if Facebook changes their layout one more time, I’m going to post a status update about it & then use their site as much as always.
Tonight I’m trying to get to that happy place right between don’t know my own name and head in the toilet.
The awkward moment when you’ve already said “what?” three times and still have no idea what the person said, so you just agree.