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3 things I will never understand: 1. The meaning of life. 2. The universe. 3. How Spongebob & Patrick made those sounds effects in that box.
You guys ever trip out on the fact that Indian people eat Indian food for breakfast?
Simmer down joggers running in place at a stop light, simmer down.
The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents. The second half will be ruined by our children
Starting to believe I`m trouble
"A vodka, please" "Sir, this is McDonald`s" "OK, a McVodka, please and super size it."
I hate when my mom tells people I`m 503 months old.
keep scrolling… it gets better lol
Blacking out when you’re drunk is god’s way of telling you that it’s none of your business what you do when you’re drunk.
I`m ready to regret having sex with you.
I thought there was a spider on the rug, but it was just some yarn. It’s dead yarn now, though.
I consider "Not Dishwasher Safe" to be more of a challenge than a warning.
Congratulations on becoming a homeowner! From now on, every noise you hear will cost you money.
I bought a screwdriver bit for my electric drill. It`s useful for converting ordinary phillips screws into non removable screws.
What does "it" mean in the sentence "What time is it?"?