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Hey, somebody get ready to wake up the guy in Green Day.
Eventually I will find Bigfoot and he will tell me all he knows about Hide & Seek.
An arranged marriage is just another way of saying that your parents helped you get laid.
To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes great subway sandwiches.
If you smoke after sex, you`re doing it to fast.
I`m so broke right now that if someone tried to rob me, they`d just be practising..
That moment when I try and be helpful to a blind man getting off the bus by saying, "watch your step"
The skeletons in your closet are suggesting that you upgrade to a double wide, walk-in.
Two heads aren`t better than one if you`re both stupid.
Would an obsession with the imperial measurement system be considered a foot fetish?
There are only two types of honest people in this world.....small children and drunk people.
Im out like a fat kid playing dodge ball
I ate the whole box of Slim Fast bars. So excited about how skinny I`ll be when I wake up tomorrow.
How easily you`re offended is directly proportional to how dumb you are.
My reaction to stepping in dog sh!t is identical to me logging onto Facebook