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I`ll tell you what a woman wants. She wants you to drag her to the bedroom, toss her down, and do the dishes and laundry while she takes a nap.
Dogs lick each other`s butts to tell each other they like them. Just like politicians
My mind says diet, but my stomach is all SHUT UP BITCH.
Sarcasm. Because communicating with morons is hard.
is accepting applications. Needed someone to keep me from doing dumb stuff. See previous post.
Cool thing about winter is after grocery shopping your car can double as your refrigerator.
I guess “Trying to be” isn’t really the answer the doctor was looking for when he asked if I was sexually active.
Don`t let the propeller hat fool you... I have no idea how to fly this plane.
I’M ENGAGED…..to be hungover tomorrow.
If your phone gets wet, try putting it in a bag of dry rice. At night the rice will attract Asians who will fix your phone for you.
My neighbor`s facebook movie is just a montage of me caught on surveillance video, stealing his newspaper every morning.
What do you mean I should be more productive? Do you think this cocktail made itself?
The name CONstitution sounds so negative. Since `pro` is the opposite of `con` we should call it prosti..... oh wait.
It looks like bathroom tai chi but it`s me trying to trigger the automatic paper towel dispenser.
You wanna know where I`m ticklish? Hawaii.