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Cubic Zirconium`s slogan should be: Guys can fake it too!
I accidentally ran over my neighbour`s cat........... Nine times....... just in case
Roses are Red Violets are Blue, If I had a brick, I`d throw it at you.
Why non-smokers don`t take bubble blowing breaks is beyond me
One thing horror movies have helped me realize is that as a parent, you definitely want to avoid having demonic children
I hate it when the little voices argue with my imaginary friends.
I just found out my smoke detector comes with a warranty. WHAT FOR? If it don`t work, what`s left?
You make me feel "I`m-typing-this-with-my-middle-finger" angry.
I finally found a simple and easy way to deal with my weight problem. I threw my scale out.
I’d slap you but I’m pretty sure they would call it animal cruelty.
I just got a piece of mail that says "open immediately" but I`m gonna wait a few minutes.
If you lose a tooth as an adult, the tooth fairy gives you a trailer.
My boss yelled at me today “It’s the fifth time you’ve been late to work this week! Do you know what that means?!” I said, “Probably that it’s Friday?"...
Why is it called `after dark`, when it is really after light
I just bought some new deodorant yesterday. The instructions said to remove the top and push up bottom. My butt hurts now but every time I fart the room smells awesome.